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100 Most Memorable Moments
(by Jeff Carrie -- posted with permission)

(This was written in 1999, before the Millennium.)

Well, as we're closing in on the time where everyone is going to bring out their "Best of the Millennium" lists. In an attempt to beat the rush, I have slapped together with hardly any thought: AFDB's 100 Most Memorable Moments.

I've probably left out a few, like the time Scott White jumped the shark, or the time Carolyn brought that Polish kid home to meet her dad, but overall it's a list of 100 items and that's pretty much what I was shooting for.

Your comments and additions are welcome, except for the haiku stuff which always sucks. It may look like I've shown favouritism to my own stuff, but in fact the opposite is true, otherwise I'd have at least 97 of the top spots. I've also left out several of our personal vignettes because I was probably laughing for the wrong reason. Due to the way HTML works, this list is not numbered 100 to 1 as the author wrote it. If anyone can make my HTML code count backwards, please email me directly!

 

  1. Jack Parker discovers the secret to communicating with wimmen.
  2. John Lavallee points out the Ray Adverb anagram AND that -40C is equivalent to -40F. Flames and Mr. Irony titles follow.
  3. Trish calls for votes on whether or not to put horns on her car
  4. The Plaque Song.
  5. Cereal Killers (in which Nicole postulates the fate of the Cinnamon toast crunch bakers and Jeff enjoys his Soylent Green FROOT LOOPS)
  6. College Physics Exams with Karen Lingel .
  7. Maaike encounters the "Ricky Taubman Anomaly"
  8. Anything involving the words "Deputy" and "Glassburn"
  9. Insulting Countries.
  10. Breet Doehr tired of everyone spelling his name incorrectly changes his name to Shikapuri Hariharisawa
  11. Mike Steele develops a daily fruit fetish.
  12. PHARTOMONE, repellent for men!
  13. Dave spits on the corpse of John Denver.
  14. Booger bit-maps!
  15. Horton Hears a Houdek.
  16. Janie goes postal.
  17. Afd_b shows up in assorted Internet handbooks.
  18. Trish gets traded for Marty Fouts (AFD_B employee of the month) shortly after setting her house on fire since she was too busy reading afd_b.
  19. Kay reminisces about the South Park Greenies.
  20. Paul Levine drops by to plug his book and gets flamed.
  21. Frank Palmer does something. (OK, I made this one up, I can't remember Frank actually doing anything but I didn't want him to be left out .... oh wait that thing about Frank's grade school science fair. )
  22. Dan Widrew gets left out.
  23. Tom Matychowiak takes "A little visit to the future" of the Quayle administration
  24. John Carney outlines his reformations after successfully avoiding being elected president in 1996.
  25. Pat McKenna predicts the entomological apocalypse as Butterflies attack San Antonio. Later, butterflies attack Roger Hunt's computer.
  26. Rick Haan is attacked by woodpeckers.
  27. The entire newsgroup ODs on Cheez-BRAND-Its and other orange foods.
  28. Scott White investigates coaching theories on "Driving Fast Cars in a Circle"
  29. Beverly Oliver outbids everyone for the rights to a straight line.
  30. The Rikki-Tikki-Tavi Christmas Special.
  31. Vic and Guido sniff around my sock drawer.
  32. Tina flips a coin to decide whether to live with Jeff or Ed. Jeff complains that "Ed got the tail, and Tina still won't give me head."
  33. The Three Faces of TJ (Client, lawyer and judge) go for drinks and subsequently meet TJ's probation officer.
  34. Dave reveals the Key Element of Humour: Helium (I always thought it involved CH4)
  35. "Rock Butt Leftovers" release the song "Chuckletrouser Guy"
  36. Rocky Frisco portrays Noah's best friend Barnaby Jones in a commercial for Family Christian Centres.
  37. Jeff Carrie is redeemed. (Along with 2038 box tops from Kellogg's BRAND Strawberry Pop-Tarts. Offer Expires October 8, 1993)
  38. The Saga of Gunther Toilet.
  39. Rocky Frisco explains "Why people walk thier dogs"
  40. Jim Krieger stops trusting sperm banks and start hiding everything in his mattress. (Along with more Masturbation jokes than you can shake a .... uh never mind)
  41. The Dave Barry Classic almost gets cancelled due to the appearance of several rowdy ducks and the proximity of Eric's hose.
  42. Julia's bedtime story: Reservoir Ducks.
  43. Harvey gets flushed down the commode.
  44. Jim Krieger admits his addiction to nasal spray.
  45. Rocky Frisco stars in Melvin, the musical!
  46. The obituary of Charles L. Trousers.
  47. Fifty Ways to use your Pop-Tarts.
  48. BoogerCon98 is such a success that BoogerCon99 is held simultaneously.
  49. History of AFD_B Part I.
  50. The April 1 FAQ
  51. The Christin Keck production of "West Side Story"
  52. Yotte trains Jeff to be a powerful Jester. Mike, Crow and Tom Servo mock from the cheap seats.
  53. Glenda Robertson is anagrammed to spell "Noble Red Snot Rag"
  54. Laurie cleans out her shed and finds the squirrel skeleton.
  55. Steve Madden's "Squirrel Tales"
  56. Scott White begins seeing Darla.
  57. Joseph Sutedja discovers DejaNews reports an alarming lack of booger content in afd_b
  58. RoseGS goes twenty minutes without posting.
  59. Amanda Martin initiates the blither limit of 6. (Oh Amanda, poor, poor, well meaning Amanda....)
  60. Jim Krieger and Jean Tillson battle the Canadian Invasion. Rhode Island is smuggled across the border in a lunch box. Canadabis hits the streets.
  61. Jim Carrey's nephew stars in "The Cup"
  62. Eating Squirrel Brains.
  63. The Banner Years
  64. The Walter Mondale joke surfaces.
  65. Jen Raffensperger has everyone over for Thanksgiving Dinner. Mmmmm Butter Turkey and Marshmallow Peeps.
  66. John Carney narrates "Desperately Seeking Scooby".
  67. AFD_B Writer's Strike.
  68. Punkin' Chunkin'. Finally, a reason to visit Delaware.
  69. Jeff and Eric get married.
  70. Jean Tillson gives me beer. Why, oh why couldn't I have met her before Eric?
  71. That time that we all went out together and that thing happened and after some people climbed up on the roof, the police came by and even though the cheese in a can was empty there was no way the police could have known that and someone panicked and ran into the woods, and all the cops chased him because they thought he was trying to make a break, but in fact he was just had to take a pee really bad, and just as the police show up this flying saucer hovers over the Assiniboine forest .... oh wait I was drunk.
  72. Birth of the Chucklefetus.
  73. Roger Hunt announces the birth of his fourth son, Zeppo.
  74. Geoff Brown appears in "Dave Barry in Cyberspace" (albeit in teeny-tiny print)
  75. Patricia LeGere discovers Kellogg's Pop-Tart Crunch cereal. The milk seriously retards the combustion.
  76. The Eric Seiden/Jodie Foster debacle.
  77. Knight-Ridder is shocked that people would redistribute Dave Barry and Mike Royko columns. Brad Templeton takes his clarinet and goes home.
  78. Kay and Rocky visit Dave in Kansas City
  79. Joseph Nebus notes the decreasing time period required for past events to be considered nostalgic and starts manufacturing "new" nostalgia to cover the impending catch-up.
  80. You-know-who says you-know-what about you-know-who
  81. You-know-who-else and you-know-who-junior enter the fray resulting in "The Speech"
  82. The Casaba Melons (We got pictures!)
  83. Eric announces that the space " " is now a registered trademark
  84. Erika Grams investigates earwax viscosity.
  85. Jon gets Roger's Socks
  86. Eric Seiden produces the ALT-FAQ
  87. Who Killed Eric Seiden?
  88. The Psycho Friends Network
  89. "Hoobert" announces to one and all "what I do: I suck"
  90. John Carney's opera "The Merchant of Boogers"
  91. Jack Parker successfully navigates Denver International Airport (although it's funny we haven't heard from him since)
  92. J*y J*m*s/Gustavus Vasa's ISP eliminates his account. (Granted the party with the chess newsgroup was a bad idea)
  93. The Oxford English Dictionary adds the word "c*ck-0-s*ck*r"
  94. Roger lights his underwear on fire in his driveway
  95. Roger sets pop-tarts on fire in his driveway
  96. Roger tries to blow up a whale in his driveway
  97. "The Rock Butt Leftovers Anthology" airs on ABC
  98. Harvey the Moose is elected president only to have the title passed on to the first runner up (Miss Arkansas) after the publication of nude photos in "Field and Stream".
  99. The Ed Rice 50th Anniversary Show!
  100. DAVE GETS MICHAEL BYWATER'S POST! ON THE INTERNET! WITH HIS COMPUTER! Which is not like yours at ALL. Michael thanks everyone for the 2038 copies.

 

There are probably a lot more memorable scenes stashed away on tapes and disks in the bottom of a box in my basement, but these seemed funny enough to be painted from memory.

J.S.C.
(Jeff's Storage Cellar)

Contents Supplied by Jeff Carrie -- posted with permission
This page last updated 27 April 2008 and was created 23 March 1999.